I’ve known myself for more than 21 years now and even though I hate to put people into categories, I do it to myself more often than I’d like. I’m one of those people who are well aware that they are trapped in a loop but do nothing about it except for drowning in guilt and self-pity for their lack of unproductivity.
I know a lot of people are wired that way. I also know how it feels when people tell you to get out of the “phase”. It’s not a good feeling. You either feel pressurised and get anxious for not doing enough, if not nothing at all, or blame them for not understanding your dilemma and casting off your problems so lightly.
But you know what? It’s a false trap. Our own mind has played us. It has played one of those illusions on us where we feel we are stuck in this monotony and we can do nothing about it except for sitting in the back seat and letting life take us wherever it wants. But that’s not true.
What is this false trap really?
It’s one of those feelings where it seems like the world has suddenly come to a stop. Everything around you is either moving as if it’s an Instagram slow-mo or it’s a complete blur, giving you a frequent whiplash. You don’t even notice what day it is anymore. Is it Tuesday or is it the weekend already?
You know you have a lot of time in your hands but you don’t know what to do with it. And even if you do, you don’t have the energy to. You see people around you making the most of the pandemic yet you find it hard to even get out of bed every morning without a strong cup of coffee. Most importantly, you feel like you are the only one feeling that way.
Anxiety, your old friend, visits you every day. Studying becomes a chore and you can’t wait to get over with your exams. Finding a steady job during pandemic is a nightmare, specially if you are freshly out of college. You are hardly a 4 from 1-10 in the productive department.
This is what a trap looks like. You think you don’t have the power to free yourself from it but that’s what an illusion does to you. It tricks you into believing what the outer world is projecting but your inner self. And all that the world projects are your inner fears.
Can we free ourselves from this?
Off course you can. Just stop fearing. As I said, the world feeds on our fears. Fear of not being productive enough, not achieving enough, not earning enough or not enjoying life enough. Fear of just never being enough.
We all have been there haven’t we. The only difference is that some of us find our way out of the trap, while others get stuck. Feeding it more of our fears. The fear of feeling the way you do. The feeling of never getting out of it. The feeling of never feeling normal or adequate according to high standards of society and even our own.
Stop fearing. Easy said than done, I know. But the only way of conquering our fears is by riding those fears and not letting them take over the reigns. And soon enough you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
As soon as you stop fearing everything else, you’ll stop pitying yourself. And when you are not scared and are less vulnerable, let your heart take the lead. It might take you on a rough journey but it’ll never abandon you or trick you like your mind often does.
And let your parents or your friend or even that co-worker help you out of it. You feel like there’s no one who understands you or that asking for help is not an option. But that’s not at all true. It’s just one of the many nasty tricks that our mind and fears play on us. Our fear also tends to make us feel all alone. But there’s always someone waiting for you to take their hand. I took hold of that hand and now, you should too.
It's Meera 